Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
