thus making me awesome and them whores
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
