I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
