and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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