Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
