Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is Oprah even human
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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