I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
