i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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