he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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