she smelled like a LAN party
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
