Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
