Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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