We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
