I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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