Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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