Moan for me like Helen Keller
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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