I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
