He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
