If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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