My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
