I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
