I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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