I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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