Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
