guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
