I am puke
her vagine was all disorganized.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
