This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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