I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
