why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
