Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
