Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
