No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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