it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
