There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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