I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
the raccoons are back...
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