Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
