I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
