My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
