Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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