I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
