The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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