More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i now understand why vodka
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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