Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
