I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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