I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The best revenge is premature balding
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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