There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
