Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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