My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
