Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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