At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Panties = found
Randomize
