Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
