We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
